Ready for takeoff...

Many MyVector members are frequent flyers, so when we came across this list of witty exchanges between pilots and the control towers at various airports we felt obligated to share it! Unfortunately we do not know the source - it arrived by email - but kudos to person who captured this information...

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

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Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747:
"United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329:
"Approach, I've always wanted to say this....I've got the little Fokker in sight."

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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted:

"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

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A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,

"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:

"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

****************************************************

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speed 206.

Speed 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

****************************************************

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:

"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:

"Wasn't I married to you once?"

Contacts importer now live

A quick update following the post last week. Today we deployed the Contacts Importer. To access, login and click on 'Where are my contacts' > 'Invite' menu item. Alternatively use the shortcut icon on the 'Where am I?', 'Where am I going?', 'Where have I been?' screens.

Use the contacts importer to upload your:

• Linkedin.com
• Outlook
• Yahoo! Mail
• Google Mail
• MSN/Live/Hotmail
• Palm, vCard, ACT, csv...

After uploading your contacts, simply choose those you wish to invite to join your MyVector network and we'll send them an invitation email. Note: we will not send an email to any contact you do not select. In addition we never see or retain your login credentials as these are passed directly via API to the source service.

Login today and expand your network. The value of MyVector grows exponentially the more contacts you have. We recommend at least 5 contacts. Remember your contacts do not need to be traveler - we have our parents on our lists - they don't travel but they sure like to know where we are and the MyVector bi-weekly email keeps them posted of our travels.

Resend activation link

We validate email addresses at registration using an activation key to be sure members are able to receive notifications such as the bi-weekly updates and network requests.

Occasionally email addresses can be mis-keyed or mail filters become somewhat over zealous. This can cause the activation email to either be returned to us or reside in bulk mail folders. We have recently introduced a feature which allows a newly registered member to 'Resend the activation link.'
To resend your activation key, click on the 'Resend activation link' at the account log-in screen and you'll be asked to enter your email address or user name as shown below:


Once you have entered the email address or username which you used to create your MyVector account, click on the 'Send' button and we'll resend you the link to the email address provided.


Note we send the emails immediately and they are typically delivered within 30 seconds-5 minutes depending on the mail service you have. If you do not see the links during this time, please check the spelling of the email address and also take a look in your bulk mail folders. If it is still not available please contact us and we'll happily set up the account for you.

Contacts importer and more coming soon...

Here's a sneak preview of the Contacts importer, which is the first of several new features we've been working on. It allows you to import your existing contacts from:

• Hotmail / Live / MSN
• Yahoo!
• GMail /googlemail
• LinkedIn
• Outlook
• Palm
• Lotus Notes
• vCard
  
• ACT
  
• text and csv
  

To load your contacts list, select the address book you wish to import from, enter the username and password - or browse for the file to import from in the case of .csv, LinkedIn contacts and vCards - and submit. Note: Your password will not be revealed to us and we will only invite the contacts you specifically select.

The MyVector Contacts importer will load the contacts and present them on screen as shown below.


Now you can select the contacts you wish to invite to join your MyVector network. You have the option to personalize the message sent, or use the 'select all' link to invite everyone. In addition you can edit the 'From:' email address.

An icon will display next to any imported contacts who are already a member of MyVector. This allows you to add them to your network if you wish. The icon's will also alert you if you have already sent a request and allow you to resend.

As with most network models - the value of MyVector grows exponentially along with the number of contacts you have. The Contacts importer saves time by connecting directly to your existing contacts list.

Remember the MyVector Profile and Event Security allows you to manage who sees what, and by categorizing your contacts into folders you have additional flexibility.